It's crazy how things can change just within a year. Screw that, how things can change within a month. This time last year, things were very different
SCHOOL
Firstly, it may have felt like it happened super duper long ago, but it was only a year ago that i completed foundation year. I can't even remember the last time i was worrying about the Binomial Theorem, or whether you click V or H Lookup for computer class. If I thought foundation year past fast, first year uni definitely was the very definition of lightning speed.
Looking back, how was school? Did i regret any of the things this year? What can be improved? What can I learn? In terms of exposure, i've definitely met more people from different walks of life, made some local white friends (which is not me being racist by pointing out their colour, but just that i never saw myself clicking with them), found so many more friendships that I can depend on and laugh with till my stomach ached, and formed bonds that can never be broken. I guess the only thing I do regret is not going out enough. But comparing from last year, i definitely had an improvement, just that now, i'd like to venture to new places, instead of going back to the old. And another regret, is obviously not paying attention in both my accounting and QA classes heh. I realised that the amount of effort you put in, is really the grade you get. and I really got what i deserved lol. Yes, i had last minute 100% effort, but I think what I should be really striving for is consistent effort. WHOOSH. Okay, knowing this, next sem I really have to up my game. With only 1 law subject but already taking up majority of my time and "burden", I'm not sure what I am going to do with 2 next year. But, I really have to suck it up and give it my all. The singapore education system did not train me for nothing.
Weirdly speaking, "next year" is literally in 2 days. I can't even.
THE SOUL
I don't even know where to start with what is going on with me and my heart in the past month. At the start of the 5 months, where we wanted to just "give it a try", in my heart, honestly speaking, I was like "no go. definitely no go." And even through that period, there were days I just felt like the worst, felt like giving up, and constantly asked myself, if this was worth it. This was me committing to someone I barely knew, I only met once, and knew for 4 days, someone who was a stranger just 6 months ago. The amount of trust i gave was definitely questionable, but yet unconditional and somehow, felt right. I didn't know what it was, but I gave it my all, without thinking of the consequences. I took the leap of faith. And I'm glad I did, because after 5 months of waiting. I must say it was worth it. All worth it. Was my Europe trip with Kat worth the sacrifice as well? I must say. Yes. I know where comes a chance, I will travel again. But nothing would be able to replace this December. I'm thankful for the things that happened, and the things that did not. For whatever I have up till today would not have happened if not for the good and the bad. So to those who broke my heart or messed with my feelings, thank you for making me appreciate those who won't take things for granted. To those who never trusted distance, thank you for making me appreciate closeness so much more. And finally to those who ran when they feared, thank you for making me see and appreciate those who stayed.
Have you ever just looked at something, and it just clicks in you, and you just know. That in that moment you were infinite. You wish that moment would last forever, cos' everything was just right. It is like a sudden struck of realisation, but yet also a peace of mind, and warmth of the heart. It was as if I could die there and then, but still leave this earth a happy woman with no regrets. It was as if, I could give my heart up in that instant, and let it be torn to pieces, and I wouldn't even care, cos' that was just how much I was willing to take the risk, the leap of faith, to trust.
Everything happens for a reason. People come into your life, some come and leave, while some stay. But the bottom-line is, each person come with a story, and it is through them we learn what we want, who we want to become, and how we want to live our lives with the values and lessons learned.
I don't know what the future holds, and I definitely can't say it will be easy. But together with faith and trust, I trust that as long as we embark on this journey together, fear of insecurity and distance will be overcome as long as we have the willingness and determination to try. As long as we try. That is all that matters right? We don't give up hope. We give up despair and unrealistic expectations. We give in to faith and trust.
Here's to a new year, with a new me, and a new goal.
Anyeong,
may all have a blessed new year (:
How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard. - Winnie the Pooh
