The Last Straw.

And finally, touch down.

Over the period of my short vacation, I've seen so much, learnt so much, heard so much, and experienced so much. Besides the nagging and occasional unreasonable-ness of my parents, my mind was so alive. So you can expect after 11 days I'm legit mentally drained. Also, I ate SO MUCH. I have a exercise plan for Feb before I fly back and hopefully that will materialize. I really enjoyed my trip though, I've learnt to appreciate the quietness of the countryside as well as the hecticness of the city. I've picked up crumbs of humbleness in mankind and splashes of greed and selfishness in the heart. Yes I sometimes curse and swear at the evil and pray they get retribution but wouldn't that make myself lower than them as well?

Life in itself is a lesson, a journey, an experience to see right from wrong, evil from good.

I don't know what to do with you anymore. Time is all you need, but that is something I cannot give you as much as I want to. Time defines every existence of every living thing on earth. Time defines what we could have been, what we desire to be but cannot be. Time is indefinite, priceless and most of all, forbidden. I had some uncertainty if this space of mine was ever found by you, but I've come to the point where its okay for you to see how I've struggled with my thoughts. Because I have decided to let go. Piece by piece. Because one day won't you leave as well just like you did those years before? I can't afford to let myself go through the same path again. I'm sane now don't you worry. I'm foolish no more. These months I have wavered, only because I told myself after all those months I deserve just a little happiness. Just a little. These are my unspoken thoughts for you. Thank you for these past months. Just like every Summer dream, the break ends and I'm back to reality in a month. I wish you the best, I wish you happiness and every success you dream and desire. I wish you love and peace, in hopes you will find someone that will give you the support, strength and love you deserve. I don't know when we will talk again, but when we do, I will answer you with a lighter but stronger heart. I just need you to have the courage, the nerve to strive for what you want. Not what your parents or those around expect of you, but what you yourself want. This is the last straw, the last page, the last hope. One more month and I'll be gone; my heart and soul with it I assure you. I'm giving myself just one more month. Just one.

She wants you to want her like how he does. But she doesn't want him, she wants you. The sad thing is that those who would give up the world for a person, that person would do the same for someone else and not you. That's why fairytales never work out, you sacrifice for the wrong people, your brain protects you from hurting yourself, but your heart thinks that pain is all worth it. 

I can't believe I'm off in another 3 or so weeks. And I can't believe I'll be turning 18 in just about a month or so. I don't want school to start ): I don't want reality to kick in. Everyone is splitting ways, with some in UK, AU and CA. True friends are so hard to find but now everyone is slowly drifting away. And that's why you treasure the occasional skype call or facebook chat. The bond of friendship is as strong as the bridge you build to maintain it. In times of darkness, friendship is all you have aside from kinship.

Support.
Something that comes in a physical, vocal and mental form. Don't we all need some sort of encouragement to push through the shit dirt we're in? If you're the anchor to my feet I will shake you off. I expected much more of you as a friend. If this is my own dream and my own ambition, who are you to have a say in how I want to steer my life? If this is the type of friendship you deem fit, I shall leave you with your English tea and bid you farewell. What have happened to you? Or was this just something I have dug up from deep within and only started to realise the cold poison that eats you from inside. Be happy my dear friend, be happy for yourself and those around you. The competition of the world will forever be there, but your happiness won't if you don't help yourself.

anyeong (:

Anything's possible if you've got enough nerve. -J.K Rowling

Here's to 2015.

New Years was not. fun. at. all.

Like yeah sure watchnight service, starting the year blessed with the holy spirit and all. But the thing is that those who know me well enough, I was never a holy person, but i've always kept an open mind, and as always I've tried to accept the whole Christianity thingum, so I just tag along. But really, spending an hour talking about the events held in 2015..AND not even having a countdown?! AND even at 12 no best wishes? Just the announcing of the new church committee? Really? No matter how fking holy you are, you start the year off with a HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!! Not some shit stunt like that.
Ugh. Basically it was a terrible end. I spent the last hour plus of 2014 on my phone trying to stay awake.

Overall, 2014 was a bad year.
It flew past so fast. Not because of how fun it was, but because of how mundane it was. Day after day I went through the same routine, as if life had no meaning to it and I was just living it watching each day past for the sake of making time fly. I could honestly say 2014 was one of the worst years i've had. Not only did i leave all my loved ones friends and family, joined a new "civillisation" with new people new environment, but also, I felt like I wasted one year of my life. Like I was not living my life. I was just drifting through it. I did not feel anything, I was just numb to everything.
To have reached this conclusion is really just appalling and disappointing to see my year spent so unsatisfyingly.

Change is good. But sometimes they are bad too.
Then again, I guess everything happens for a reason. That's why I always spend my time thinking what that reason could be. Everyone are trying to find answers aren't they? But what you find may not be what you wanted. And sometimes things- the truth, are better left unfound and undiscovered, because it'll be safer for your heart, yourself.

I won't regret the many friendships made, some broken, some mended. Sometimes unexpected things are just round the corner. As for you, you're always that unsolved puzzle in my life. I'm not sure when I will be able to complete that puzzle, or if there is one puzzle piece lost and I will just never solve it. You're unexpected, unreadable, unpredictable. I really don't know what I'm going to do with you.

Here's a shout out to Bryan:
thank you for still stopping by after what feels like a gazillion years. What if I change my blog URL one day? watcha gonna do ;) HAHA ANYWAY>>>
HAHA hi bryan. I know what you're thinking. But for now, I'll tell you to worry about yourself first kay? I'll sort my shit out. Soon. For now we're in the same messed up boat. Best wishes to 2015 and hopefully you'll get out of this boat soon. As for me, I think I should just buy over this boat because I won't be leaving it anytime soon I'm quite sure.

I'm thinking bout' how people fall in love in mysterious ways, maybe just the touch of a hand.





Here's wishing the bestest of the best wishes to everyone out there, hoping you have a wonderful 2015, and may this year be even better than the last.

As how many of us would start the year with a New Year Resolution, I'd just like one simple wish.
Make this year count.
I was already thinking of starting a bucket list notebook this year (which is kinda like a resolution kind of thing) but a limited to your lifetime goal kind of list, AND I'M REALLY EXCITED TO GET STARTED ON IT. and I'll write down the date and maybe have a few signing of the people i completed it with. It'll be cool. (:

Here's to 2015.

anyeong!