Third Chances.

So remember how I was literally JUST talking about how I would wait another month. Well, poof that month is gone, seriously I didn't see it go by.
This 3 month summer break really flew by, and this time in a good way.
I've saw my friends in a new light- those who still remember my existence and bother to talk to me and meet up with me that is. You never know the true value of friendship until you are in your darkest times they say. Let me tell you this, you never know it truly until you're in your loneliest. Those who still stand by you, they're the ones.

Sure I may have spent some of my days waking up at the weirdest times, sometimes in the late afternoon even, stoning and hence wasting my whole day away.. But the days that I actually have plans, I make the best out of it. I catched up with so many old pals, some of them even dating back to Primary school days and swimming. Sometimes I'm just like, "since when were we ever this close?", but you take a step back and realise that "wow, we still have this bond. Why not salvage it into something stronger?" Some may die but I've got a good feeling most will stay. I don't really think "friendship" is the right term anymore to describe such bonds with old pals. It's too brief and "washy washy" for my liking. Its more like..attachment. Yeah, took me awhile to figure a right word, but for now that shall do. I treasure each and every attachment.

BLOGSKIN
sidetracking a little, nik was telling how crappy my skin is. HAHA okay she didn't put it that crudely, but basically it's dam hard to read this shit. But its my shit so..doesn't really matter HAHA. Okay yeah yeah it's pretty small and tiny..but hey friends if you're reading it on your phone it's available in mobile mode or something (: (but yes I may change it soon. It's super hard finding a skin especially how times have changed and people can't be bothered with blogspot anymore)

NO GOOD IN GOODBYE
it was actually legit painful. Since my newfound rebuilt connection, attachement or whatever you may want to call it with all my loved ones, I really did not want to leave. I had so much fun and laughter over the summer I did not want it to end. I did not want to say goodbye, I did not want to face reality.
Hugs says alot about a person don't you think? Tight hugs, loose hugs, half hearted hugs, awkward arm hug, stiff hugs...
Ever hugged someone who when you pulled away still held on to you tightly? Do you know that feeling? That feeling of never wanting to let you go?
Its the feeling of being wanted. Being appreciated. Being missed. and finally, being loved.
Humanity lacks such emotion. To be able to be a receiver of such action, I really don't know to be happy to be wanted, or to be sad because it was an expression of loss.
Everyone needs to find that someone who holds you that way. It'll feel safe. It'll feel nice, for once to be wanted, needed, loved.

WEEK ZERO
I'm actually exhausted. Mainly because of my ever so poor sleeping cycle- which I really need to put words into action and start sleeping early and stop blogging at weird times such as now (1.43am). Believe it or not, hating that bloody thumbdrive, I actually enjoyed O-week. Well at least the 2 days that I fully utilised. Sure the first day was raining cats and dogs, but because of that lines were shorter and stuff could be done easily. But I didn't say coming in late was a bad thing either. I'm actually grateful that I pushed on last Nov/Dec/Jan to have the few days off to remain in SG with the fambam and relatives. My efforts paid off. 3-4 days is really sufficient enough. People are amazingly friendly and sociable, but I realise coming from a different society altogether, it was really hard to fit into their typical conversation. Australian humour is one thing that I think i'll take awhile to get accustomed to definitely. For now I shall just push on and be the awkward duckling, hoping this phase would pass soon enough.
ALSO, did you know how hard it was to find Uni books?! Like what even. I spent a good 5 hours today freaking out about finding my Law textbook as readings had to be done prior to the lecture..omg how screwed am I ): BUT YES, I finally got it thanks to my new Law Orientation buddies. Connections are really important actually. That's something i'll get to experience firsthand soon enough.

And finally, it was painful enough to say goodbye to aunty verge and my baby fluffy. Both with the common denominator of experiencing pain. One I bid good bye with the best of wishes for the future, while the other I bid good bye and farewell for the final time.
I always ask myself don't I deserve a tad bit happiness? Maybe at least let me enjoy a few weeks or at least days with such minimal happiness that happen in my life.
Typically, just when I thought when all things are going well, baby fluffy was struck with a really bad liver thingum. Now it's really just a month. A month and all is gone. For good. Please stay strong my baby, i'll be thinking of you, always.

Hopefully this coming week 1 will go by smoothly, leaving me happy and optimistic for the many challenges to come ):

anyeong! (and happy cny everyone!)

You left again. But the difference is this time, there's no third chances. And that's final. 

Head Above Water.

I was never the holy type, but an amazing performance by Katy Perry during the Grammy's raising awareness of domestic violence was good enough to convince me to share this beautiful song.

"I believed he was lashing out because he was in pain, and needed help. I believed my compassion could restore him and our relationship. My empathy was used against me. I was terrified of him and ashamed I was in this position. What bound me to him was my desire to heal him. My compassion was incomplete because it did not include me. When he threatened to kill me, I knew I had to escape. I revealed the truth to my mom and she encouraged me to seek help at a local domestic violence shelter. This conversation saved my life. Authentic love does not devalue another human being. Authentic love does not silence, shame or abuse.

If you're in a relationship with someone who does not honor or respect you, I want you to know you are worthy of love. Please reach out for help. "  -Brooke Axtell

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Do you know how it feels to be knocked down to your feet? That's how it feels when your support, your foundation, crumbles below you. And that's why all dads teach their daughters to be strong independent women. And that is why we can't depend on others. Just when you thought the person you trust most will be there forever and always, he'll eventually turn his back on you. You were my role model, someone I respected, someone I looked up to, someone I envied, someone I confided in, and finally, someone I trusted. I guess I had just put my expectations for you way too high, I guess I just thought of you pretty much as flawless. But there's nothing that disgust me more than arrogance and that condescending attitude of yours. You really can't get the best of both worlds, you just can't. There were small hints along the way, but this time you pushed it too far. Talk to me like nothing happened, but this will be something I will never look past, and I will never forget.

Imagine this: If such a small trivial matter will spark off such a response, what will happen the next time when the real deal comes along? This logic has become the foundation of how I view people nowadays. I try to be impartial about it all, but you've got to protect yourself from harm you can foresee don't you? That's called taking precaution.

THE DIET PLAN.
obviously failed. Its the 10th day of Feb and I have not started exercising at all. Okay, let's make life a tad bit easier for me. Just to sleep early and wake up by 10. I think that won't be too hard. So we can't count today cos duh, its 1.20am heh. I really can't wait for CNY to come (: I love seeing my cousins and family all together as one. And the goodies omg (: eggcited!! Not really anticipating the whole #ootd fiasco (and maybe i'll even be part of it hehe).

DREAMS.
You know how we've always asked ourselves what our dreams mean? Just a few seconds ago, something struck me. I've always loved dreaming because it let me experience things I can't in real life. Some nightmares are dreadful but that's how we experience "fear" once in awhile since reality may not pose the kind that is possible (if you get what I mean). Especially when our dreams defy reality and our expectations, that is when we feel alive. Hence, just moments ago, something clicked. What if our dreams were there to show us a perspective we ourselves were always afraid to open up to but once we "experience" it in our subconscious, we will see how wrong we were, and thus dare to explore that avenue in reality. I mean sure some dreams are way off, unrelated and unrealistic such as raining donuts or flying pigs but if that theory doesn't work for you, I don't know what will. To have come to such realisation, I'm actually pretty impressed with myself haha.

Anyeong!

I picked myself back up. I put one foot in front of the other and I looked in the mirror and decided to stay. Wasn’t gonna let love take me out that way.