Facade.

You know how you think you've mapped out your thoughts, your feelings, your life, and suddenly, its as if fate or life just loves to fk with us so they just screw it all up and laugh at us while we scramble to gather all that's left? Well, story of my life. I need organisation, I need a plan. You fk it up I'm literally screwed. Having a mental breakdown in the middle of a public bus wasn't exactly how I pictured it to be, but at least I was ignored and left to myself to drown in my pity and sorrows.

WEEK 2-3
Real messed up. Real real messed up. I've never felt more broken and vulnerable in my life before. No, not because of romance cos fk that, I'm so over it. Its like you invest so much time into attempting to maintain one, only to have it crash and burn right before your eyes. So cheers to that. Hence, I turn to my next most reliable and most important thing in my life( other than family), education (lol, bummer, I didn't say you). Have you ever started to question if you're making the right decisions in life? It was one thing to feel stressed, but another to feel like i'm so lost, not knowing what in the world was going on, having absolutely no control of my life, that is the worst feeling ever. I really don't know what to do. To be surrounded by so many people, so many loved ones, but yet you feel alone. They try to understand, they really do, and I appreciate that, but sometimes its just not possible to understand what I'm going through. I make it sound like its some bigass problem and issue and you may think I'm foolish, but sometimes your insecurities and doubts eat into you.

FALSE EXPECTATIONS
it'll forever be there. I expect this and that turns out. Oh great, forever being disappointed. Hence, we come up with this phrase called "expect nothing". But how can I do that? It is in our human nature to have some sort of expectations, some sort of standard we hope to achieve some day. Unrealistic expectations of ourselves and of others; purely inevitable. Hope and unrealistic, such words that complement each other.

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"Yes there are people who are greater than her. There are people who are more attractive, more intelligent, more caring, and more fortunate. That's life- full of temptations. But don't be deceived by those things. Because didn't you realise that there are people who are also greater than you? Yet, she chose you."
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TEMPTATIONS
the root of all evil. or not. This is where you test if you got your moral compass in the right direction. Then again, what is right anymore? Something that buds from a seed- it starts of small, but as you water it, it grows, into something larger, and it wont stop, unless you stop watering it altogether, and leave it to die. But what if you want it to stop, but yet don't? Is there a pause button? No. There's no pause button in life. You're at a fork, and you've gotta decide if you want to go right or left. Once your decision is made, there's no turning back. Do it and regret? Maybe. But do it and prosper? Maybe. Now it just all comes down to sacrifice doesn't it? Are you willing to give up something you hold so dear to yourself, for temptations. Are you considered weak if you can't resist?

anyeong.

How do you create a facade to protect your personal identity so that you won't lose yourself in the rest of the world?