Yin&Yang

Yin Yang- everything in the universe consists of two forces that is opposing but complementary.Where there is Life there is Death. Where there is Day, there is Night.

Why can't i just be happy for once. Am I not allowed that?

After a terrible and unsatisfying week, Saturday came.

06.12.14
Brunch was always wonderfully fun with the cousins. They'll never fail to amuse me. They're the best. Its like if you're having a bad day, you just have a chat with them and they say the most hilarious things to brighten up your day.
Then dinner came.
It was pleasant. Very unexpected, but yet unbelievably amazing. You know you expect something and you're taken back with something even better? I don't know but something is different this time round. Different good. Different awesome. I like this different. It is like another side that i've not exactly expected. Then when I had a glimpse of that side that night, I want more. So much more.
But some things are not meant to be yknow? Maybe I'm not sure just yet.
On the way home that night, I caught myself smiling, thinking about the events and topics of that night. I was legit happy. I even chose to walk home so that the quiet night could leave me to my own thoughts. They drifted, drifted to the laughter and happy reminiscing.
I don't think there's anything in there, because after those months, I told myself never to go back, never to be vulnerable. However, just for once I didn't care for any feelings. I just cared that at that moment I was happy. Genuinely happy.

I slept well that night. Very, in fact. But little did I know the next night would be an uncomfortable sleep.
Just when things were looking up, everything came crashing down.

07.12.14
Before leaving for dinner, I saw him at the gate being drenched in the slight drizzle of rain. Quickly I told Auntie Verge to wipe him dry. We had to leave for the dinner as we were late. We just rushed off. That was the last time I saw life in those eyes. He looked so sad, but I just thought it was because he was getting wet in the rain. I think he knew. He knew it was coming. Some things just happen so suddenly just as we don't expect it. That's why we have the saying, "live every moment, treasure each and every second." But how were we to know? Whenever my friends pet would go, I only knew how to offer a word of comfort and thats that. I didn't feel too remorseful because well, I just thought it just like any other animal that was growing old- it is expected. But now, i truly understand, that relationship between a dog and an owner, is something you cannot just cut it off simply. All those months that I was away, no one took you out. Maybe ocassionally, but not the number of times you truly deserve. Thank you so much for waiting those 8 months for me to take you on your last walk. Thank you for always being so patient. Thank you for being so playful that it makes me laugh. Everytime the gates open, I would always expect you to wag your tail and slowly walk one side to let the car enter into the porch. I would always expect you to keep wagging that tail. I would always expect to see you the next morning. I expect too much of you boy. I expected too much. and I just took you for granted. I love you so much nicky. I love you so much. I really hope you are in a better place now. You are so strong. So smart. As van says, I hope you're in doggie heaven now with all the bones and balls you can find. You may not have remembered Brandy or Whiskey, but if you see them up there, make friends okay? they're good dogs too. I love you. Please take care of yourself now. I will be thinking of you everyday when I look up. Everyday. I won't know who to take on walks now who knows how to hold their own leash like you do. I will make it a point to take Gin out more times too. I know you would want that, for her to at least do what she can on your behalf.

I've cried enough tears now. Or thats what I thought. Somehow my tears can't dry out for you. I've scrolled through enough pictures to make my heart ache for you. I think it will be much worst the next few days when reality has sunk in when i open the garage door and not seeing you there. I'm not sure what I'm going to do. But I will stay strong. I will for you as you have always done for me. I will push on just like you have always done for me. You were always there. Thank you for being part of my life nicky. Thank you.

Where's the good in goodbye?
There's no fair in farewell.
RIP Tonic 07.12.14

Anyeong.