Homebound.

The day has finally arrived.
The day that I am scheduled to fly home. Home sweet home indeed.
The day that I have been looking forward since the beginning of the semester.
It has felt as if I have stayed here forever. Legit.
If you were to ask me what had happened during the semester, I wouldn't be able to recall clearly, because everything went by in a blur. Although in reality it was really only 4 months, everything seemed so far away when I look back on it.

Like..
Semester started.. can't remember squat about that..
Then assignments flooded in, with mid-sem tests and what not..
Mid-sem results came back..had quite a breakdown about this, hence being pretty significant in this thought train..
Then finals somehow came in...
Went on our roadtrip up north to Brisbane..(which I shall cover in a bit)
And now, here I am typing this, at 3:13am, in the midst of all the packing for both homebound and UK; which btw, packing has never been such a horror.

Especially with Kat finally graduating with her Honors degree in Advanced Maths/ Commerce..I feel so excited for her, and part of me feel like leaving this place as well. Leaving uni really HAHA. This has honestly been the worst semester yet. If anything, 3 laws wasn't exactly the greatest idea, but yet, it was and is only the tip of the iceberg of what is to come in my 5 year journey of Law School. Am I ready for the snowball of burden and stress that is to come? Most definitely absolutely 100% not. But that's life right? When they throw you lemons, you somehow got to think of a damn way to pry that lemon open, be it with your bare hands, and somehow think of a way to get all that damn juice out to make some lemonade.



Well, as of now I'm barely alive, so the roadtrip update will have to come a tad bit later. In the meantime, SG here I come! Homebound.

Anyeong! (:

Intertwined.

Major throwback to one of my favorite songs of all time.
Its been a decade.
Back to the time where little girls were still naively crushing on every guy, reading too much into actions, squealing about and blushing when some guy replies instantly, and crying over guys who weren't worth it.
How time flies indeed.
I always wonder if I have changed as a person.
You watch those dramas where they make big expressions like "Oh, how you've changed" or like "leopard doesn't change its spots" or something.

But then again, do I want that change?
While 'same old' may have a good connotation, it could mean something else negative as well. You may have loved your old self, or 'how it used to be', but wouldn't it be worrying that there had been no change? As if from the time back then until now, you've learnt nothing. Nothing has changed you; for the better or for the worst. In short: you've wasted your life LOL.
Okay I'm sure we've all changed in someway or not. But the thing is, I can't see it for myself, is that worrying? Maybe stronger mentally. But on some level, not.

I'm tired.
Have I become weak? Or have I always have been, and just never realised it.
That is the terrifying truth.
Exams are in a week. Am I ready?
The next 3 weeks are going to be one hellish ride.
Wish me luck!

Can't wait to go home.
Home, a place that is not necessarily a destination, but where the heart is.

Anyeong!

Choices.

You know the famous saying, 'life is full of choices, so choose wisely.' Or something along those lines; And i'd think lol, how cheesy, how lame, how overrated. But lo and behold, I started to realise, it is those choices that define you. Sound familiar? Bear with me, I'm getting there.

Of the good and the evil in the world, there are many complications behind them which are hard to understand.

Which is why we should never only focus on the surface and judge others without understanding them first.

Those who like to pay the bill, do so not because they are loaded but because they value friendship above money.

Those who take the initiative at work, do so not because they are stupid but because they understand the concept of responsibility.

Those who apologize first after a fight, do so not because they are wrong but because they value the people around them.

Those who often text you, do so not because they have nothing better to do but because you are in their heart.

One day, all of us will get separated from each other. We will miss our conversations of everything and nothing and the dreams we had. Days, months and years will pass until this contact becomes rare.

One day, our children will see our pictures and ask: “Who are these people?”

And we will smile with invisible tears because a heart is touched with a strong word and you will say: “It was them that I had the best days of my life with.”

The choices you make, will reflect who you are as a person, what your priorities are, and your inner character. Although it may seem so minor, because we make choices every day, every minute, every second, that we tend to lose track and take things for granted, assuming it'll always be there. But that is a choice in itself. The choice to take something for granted. That is your choice, but also your loss, once its gone.

On the other end of the spectrum....
I stumbled upon a Wongfu Production video today (which by the way, they make awesome short films), and one of their videos' message hit me.

  Nothing is ever enough. Throwback to those days when "I like you" -those three words, meant so much to the teenage me. To those times where just the mutual feelings for each other was enough. But then, once you passed that phase, you'd get used to the idea, and raise your expectations, "I don't want you to just 'like' me, I want you to 'love' me." And when "I love you" wasn't enough because you want the other person to 'show' you instead of 'say' it, things start breaking apart, simply because, it is never enough.

  Is it human nature or something to always expect more once we get something? Why can't we just be satisfied with what we have? I have done my fair share of thoughts on what exactly drives 'expectations' and what not, but maybe its because we always yearn for change, crave for 'something new', seek the unknown elements of surprise. So all these 'i like you's and 'i love you's' could just be empty words to you, mere statements.

  But that's where my point comes in. Although love isn't as simple and innocent as we thought it would be all those years ago, one thing is for sure, whenever things break apart, be it relationships, between partners, friends or family, or when words start to hold empty meanings, remember that it isn't the end of the world. Choice; it is by choice-- constantly choosing to love.

CAN SCHOOL BE OVER YET?
the past 3 weeks have been a living hell. 3 assignments in 2 weeks? Oh lord bless my soul. Currently this reflects me as a person, for my choosing to blog instead of continuing with my Admin research essay (which by the way is the worst subject on earth, I don't even know how I am still alive and kicking). But hey, kudos to me for surviving the past 9 weeks of uni woohoo! 2 more months (exactly) and its home sweet home baby.

Anyeong! (:

Wrecked Ship.

27 days down, 13 weeks till homebound!
Somehow after 3 semesters, this is the worst one of the lot. I guess most of the stress comes from having 3 laws, with the constant burden and reminder that you'll never be done with your readings, in which you sacrifice your social life, and your sleep. Its the prism dilemma, where you always have to give up something, suffer a detriment, to enjoy the benefits of another. And most of the times we make the wrong decisions, but that's opportunity cost for you ladies and gentleman, once the decision is made there's no turning back. Many a times i learn that the hard way, choosing procrastination over my priorities.




It's not all rainbows and butterflies. Nor is it a bed of roses. 
What we post online, or even what we gush on about our lives to others, is what we want them to think. Of course not intentionally, but it is what we remember and hold dearly to our hearts, and really, it is what people ask about- which normally consists of all the good stuff, all the happy endings, hence seemingly coming off as if you're going on about in this world with perfect blessings all around us, perfect house, perfect family, and that our life in itself is perfect.

But here's the funny thing, people show you the happy side, but you never really know what's going on behind that picture. A click is all it takes to capture a happy moment, but you never really bother to see what happens after that one click. Life is more than just that one click. Life moves on is what i'm saying.

Now, it is your duty to not let your picture be of lies, to be merely a facade, hiding all emotions behind it. Social media is queen of this. There I was, a victim, fooled by the perfect portrayal of what should and should not be.

HOLD UP HOLD UP HOLD UP. I'M OVER THIS.

As I thought about this longer, I stumbled upon a revelation.
I always go on laughing about my friends (or really just one friend) who have their lives revolving around something, be it work, education, their partner, Pokemon Go. I always mock them- saying that its not healthy, they don't have any balance, they're gonna be a wreck. Reality is, I am this wreck too. The ship has sailed, hit an iceberg, and now its slowly sinking. Now before this ship goes completely down under, I gotta stop it. And its not too late to save it. Or so I hope.
Its foundation is weak; it is fragile, and vulnerable. But only for now.
The freaking ocean is so damn big, there's so much more out there. Don't confine yourself. and to go out there and venture forth, this is definitely not the way.

anyeong!

Departure Halls.

If you knew me, you'd know (for some rhyme or reason or maybe for the simple reason- being Singaporean) I'd hate anything that involved wasting my time. So naturally, activities like shopping where it involves walking around aimlessly all while by the end of the day having achieved nothing, would to an extent, frustrate me. But this winter, I've come to the realisation, that it's not what you've achieved in the end, but whether you had fun during the journey. (Hence the quote "Not the destination but the journey that matters.) And with this thought in mind, I started to appreciate the smallest of things, making me hold onto moments far more better. You know how books always have those "And in that moment" clauses, I had alot of those moments.

Because you must know, that time change, people change, so you hold on to those memories, to remember and remind yourself, what it was like to be in that moment. Time slips through your fingers -like running water. You don't take things for granted just because you have it everyday, see it everyday, assume it will be there the next day just cos' it was here today.




Have you ever walked down the streets before with someone, and the second time once more, but this time, you're alone? It's like you're re-living memories, familiar streets, remembering what had happened there, thinking to yourself and smiling, but suddenly your smile falls, because you realise, you're reliving it, but alone. I didn't know it was possible, to feel a hole, as if a chunk of me was taken away from me. As dramatic as that sounds- I did feel it, the moment those doors closed before me, I was at loss. And I didn't know what was worse; knowing I wasn't strong enough, or that i'd have to be either way cos' life ain't a bed of roses and if I can't stand up on my own, who else is going to?

It's back to reality.

Back to the routine of drowning my emotions in panic and stress of uni work and assignments, hoping that amongst all this, time will fly by, just like it did all those moments ago.

I miss you, already.

anyeong (:

Thin Ice.

Everyone wants to feel wanted, to feel needed, to feel loved.

You know what's scary?
Me, needing you more than you need me.
Me, being scared shitless of one day losing you, while the feeling may not be mutual.
Me, depending my whole and my entirety on you, should one day you leave, i'll be left with nothing, but broken pieces of the "what could be's"; broken pieces of me.
Me, being lost forever without you, while I, just a faded memory of yours.
Me, being vulnerable, treading on thin ice.



That's the thing about investing every inch of your being into something, that with every step you take, you move forward, but you leave a piece behind, hoping that one day, you will be able to look back, and retrace your steps with those pieces, finding your way back home.

Fear, is what makes you vulnerable.
Fear, is what instills doubt.

Don't misunderstand me. Not doubt in you, but doubt in me, that i'm not perfect. Yes, no one's perfect, and all I needed was to be perfect for you. But what if, I'm not? Only to be just another Jane Doe, easily replaced, only to be left behind as a mere forgotten memory.

Then again, this could all just be fruitless, mere ramblings or even nonsense if you may call it, for all you know, it could just be the mere yearn, want, and need, to see you and hold you, and be by your side once again.

It could just be an empty rant, to tell you:

I miss you. 

Here's to FINALS starting in 2 days!!!! Hopefully it'll be over as soon as it starts :) hehehe
anyeong!

What makes you, breaks you.

Satin Sheets.

Even though we all have that one person we wish could come back, what we really should wish for is someone who never leaves. -Rania Naim

You never really know what you've got until you lose it. So you don't take things for granted, starting from the beginning. And while it may be tiring to constantly have this reminder at the back of your head, you better try your damnest, because these are the little things that will make you regret at the end of they day. Time. 

Even the smallest things, you stop and take a step back. "Think before you act." When I was younger, that was the common 'moral of the story's, but I never really understood it until I grew up. Not exactly say I have, but I'm trying to grasp this concept. Most of the time, I let my emotions take control of my actions, doing without thinking, never seeing or caring for the ripples from my stone's throw, always thinking of the "now" and not the "after". Perspective.

Repressing all emotions you had, to numb the heartache that had build up over the past months, only to have it one day come crashing down all at once. Unconsciously blocking out the only thing that makes you vulnerable, so as to stay strong, for yourself. Having those walls break down, where do you go from here? Patience.

"Tis the journey, not the destination that matters." Then again, whoever said the journey of life was going to be easy? Mainly due to expectations that causes these ups and downs. But that is why, it is from this 'journey', these 'ups and downs' that make us learn the lessons of life. Lest we forget, know that you're not alone in your battles, and that you have people who care about you, who loves you. Rising up and forward. It may seem tough but you are blessed. Satin sheets. 




LAST WEEK OF UNI!!!!
Omg, I have never felt this excited in my life. Each passing semester has increasingly become a blur. It just flies past. I do indeed feel this semester was slightly better than last semester though, weirdly. But this sem, my procrastination game has been pretty high. Time to buck up kris....Here's to the last week of hell, and the next 3 weeks of even more hell. 28 MORE DAYS WOOHOO!!
This time next month, I will finally be back home, home in the comfort of my own surroundings, covered in the veil of familiarity.

anyeong!
wait for me to come home.