Missing Puzzle Piece.

HELLO THERE JUNE.
I thought i missed a month, omg i'll be so sad HAHA.

How fast this year has gone..its already mid year...

Just like last year, I feel that this year have flew past. Though this time, not as if like a blur, but kinda made the most of the time, more than the last time at least. It's different. Different good.
Although I hate being dragged out as it means opportunity cost of lazing around- yes i am a potato and i like being one; I'm kinda thankful to my sister for doing it, because once she goes back, not in the worlds name that I myself will go exploring alone. Like i can shop alone sure, but getting lost alone is another matter HAHA. Solitude yay or nay?

EXAMS
are here. In exactly 1 week and 4 days, i'm sitting for my first paper--> and i didn't know this at the start of the year, but micro is an MCQ paper?!?!?! HAHAHAHA sorry, feel my excitement? there's a 25% chance i'll pass no matter what HAHAHA. just the thought of it is quite amusing. then comes accounting oh god..EVERYONE I KNOW- even the blondes SAYS ITS EZPZ 123 LIKE WHAT. Am I the only blur one that doesn't know which journals goes where and bla bla bla? And this exam torture is going to go on for the next 13 days....but being spread over 3 weeks like what even AAAAHHHHH idk I'm just so numb from all the stress... In fact i don't even know if what i'm feeling is stress. lol.

LUCID DREAMS
I'm having those dreams again. I don't like them. Or rather, I like them so much that I hate it because it gives me false hope. False hopes of the future that will never ever materialise. So why do I keep letting myself go through something that is so emotionally draining and mentally abusive...

I'm facing this dilemma, to give in to what my heart wants, or to hold on to what little dignity i have left. If you have left someone twice, not once, wouldn't it be reasonable for me to put up some barrier to protect myself? After all these years, I'll be such a fool to go crawling back. I'll be such a fool. But will I be a fool for you? Heh, once bitten, twice shy, three times a fool. Or rather, fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice shame on me; but fool me thrice, i'm an idiot and you're a jerk. I'll build up walls. That's what i'll do. Someone better come with a fking wrecking ball to save me before you do.

On the side note: i've stopped writing in my dream journal. I kinda need to find something to write. Something worth to write, not something that would leave me helpless and vulnerable. Something inspiring, something that would be worth looking back on.



FLASHBACK 1 MONTH AGO
the unexpected happened, took a turn, and came at us just when everyone was set to depart, we were all called back. We booked a flight within an hour of the news, packed our bags, and we were out within the next 12 hours. My grandfather was a man of few words; he didn't speak much, but he always smiled no matter what. Even when you were having a bad day, you could just look to him and he will just give you a smile as if saying, everything will be okay. I still find it so surreal. That his passing did not happen. That in some parallel world he is still here with us, watching his tv and smiling whenever he saw us. He had just placed the pacemaker in his heart, but within 24h he was gone. So tell me this, the $15k spent on the pacemaker fails, my grandfather is gone, but the pacemaker is removed and being recycled to another unsuspecting victim. You get my drift? In this messed up world, for the greed of money, people are willing to give you that false sense of security despite knowing what the end will be. Fking negligence.

FUN FACT:
People say everything happens for a reason. But you realise the majority of those "people" refers to women who try to find lessons to lessen the pain they are going through. We emotional creatures require that "net" to cushion our fall. But how can we justify this if we just say it for the sake of our own emotional being? Wouldn't that be biased?

And i'm out- praying i survive this turmoil for the next month. One month. That's all. WHOOOO EGGCITED

anyeong ~