The Longshot.

It's already the end of June. I don't know the theory behind how time flies. But when someone figures that out, please give me a call yeah? To think just a year ago I was talking about how fast the semester goes, but in fact time had zoomed past even faster this year. I didn't even feel that I finished even a month. Where did all those weeks go? What were those valuable hours used for/on? You never really appreciate something until they are gone.

EXAMS ARE FINALLY OVER
After 3 torturous weeks, it has finally come to an end. It was a legit roller coaster, and just like the feeling of getting off one, it was exhilarating, and I am definitely glad I got it over and done with, but in no mood of returning to that state any time soon. I'm mentally drained, completely. 3 weeks: although grateful to the "extra study time", it is way too long. I'll need a pretty long break to recover I think.

Uni exams are really brought to a whole new level. I'm not sure if I'm just pure stupid, but I actually struggled with all my 4 courses this sem? Or Uni kids are just really smart. Haiz, giving myself the benefit of the doubt lol.. Like I wasn't even 100% confident with the easiest subject- Micro. Accounting, the subject that everyone loves and call it "easy peasy", I find it difficult. Oh lord. Then there goes Stats. I had about 7 days to prepare for it, and I had never felt so sian in my life to study a certain topic. This was due to the main reason that I had NO freaking idea what I had to study, I did not know what I didn't know, I didn't know the type of questions, I did not know the formulas to apply..basically I was screwed. During those 7 days I thought that I was going crazy. I had never felt so useless and hopeless in my life. I thought to myself, "I'd rather study law than this hopeless subject."..Then came the day when I eventually had to sit down and study law. Oh. My. Freaking. God. Nothing comes easy I assure you. I slacked a bit in the first 3 days. But my last 3 days up to the exam were the most intensive studying hours of my entire life. I have never sat down in one spot from 10am- 8pm (with a 30min lunch break) studying my ass off trying to understand what was required of me. My attitude towards Law was pretty much the same as Stats: Clueless. The only difference was that Law had a structure, step-by-step kind of thing, that allowed me to at least understand each chapter through something called the English language. Then again, some of it were in Latin..so..LOL. But the paper went horribly- 20min for a 2x20m Essay question? HD here I come.

Through these past weeks, the only thing I realised was that whatever I studied..absolutely did not come out. Or rather what I focused on, did not come out. Do you know how sian that feels.... How could I be so spot on for all subjects to be so zun and miss it completely? I don't know. I guess I possess such talent.

HOLIDAYS
Finally, let the holidays begin. This will really be a much needed rest. Absolutely drained. Super duper excited to return to SG for all the international people from all corners of the earth are finally united in SG YAAAAAAYYYY super eggcited (: Super miss all these lovables. It is so hard to appreciate true friendship here. Only a handful lasts here. Super super grateful to those back in SG (:

FINAL THOUGHTS
I've officially given up..about 2 weeks ago. It's alright, I've come clean. Unbelievable I know, I even doubt myself up until this second, but..I think it's time. It really has been too long. I really need to take this chance to start anew, to find myself, to find my footing on other things. It's a wakeup call. It's the real deal. One step forward two steps back no more. I'm grateful for her, for without her I would not have seen what laid beneath. I would've been still delusion-ised until today. It's like, I'm back to square 1, but this time, with one less baggage. It's a lighter feeling. No more worries, no concerns or problems I need to bother myself with.

I'm finally free.
I know it is a longshot.

anyeong (:

--300th post omg. dedicated to those who survived the exams, and to those who still follow this rubbish-ranting-small-font-about-to-lose-my-eyesight blog, who bother to still stay updated with my mundane life even after 6 years (: lots of love for you (: